Our flight home was delayed due to the ground crew being extremely slow. I’m pretty sure they were all hiding out watching football and checking their fantasy football scores. Or they saw a One Direction video playing and threw an impromptu dance party. Whatever the reason our captain was not pleased. He was like, “Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, there is no excuse for this delay. The ground crew are too busy picking their noses instead of putting bags on this plane. We’ll be delayed but it’s not our fault. We did our part to be on time. Please pull out your in-flight magazine and look up the customer service number, and tell United how you feel about this experience”. I love how he still used his deep, sexy pilot voice while expressing this frustration. Caption Angry Sexy Voice.
My Maryland trip was fantastic. I held a lot of babies. I watched a lot of Mario Brothers video games. I drank too much (my brother is a Marine). And I cried the entire 2 hour drive to the airport this morning. Every time I come back to Colorado after spending time with my brother and his family I feel extremely depressed. It might have something to do with not wearing leg warmers for 4 days. In any event I’m totally bummed and am trying to remember what they said in that damn Secret movie so I can create a perfect world where every person I love lives on the same street in the same town, and we can have block parties every day and play corn hole until the sun goes down dammit!
Friday night my sister-in-law was like, “I got a babysitter, we’re going out!”, so we ended up at the Tiki Bar in Solomons Island drinking pure sugar and alcohol. Or at least that’s what fruity drinks taste like on my palate. It felt like an episode of Jersey Shore. There were a lot of muscles, a lot of white teeth, and a lot of tans stumbling around. It was around this time of the evening when I of course start talking about Crossfit. I turn to my brother and say, “Ever since I started doing Crossfit I’m not scared of anybody, like, you know walking down a dark alley. I could totally kick anybody’s ass”. And he’s like, “Um, OK”, and everybody just stared at me and laughed. My brother points to this huge, buff dude and says to everybody, “Look, you guys, Joy could totally kick his ass”. I took a chug of my Blue Moon and muttered, “I totally could if I had to, you guys”. I was this close to doing a handstand push up right then and there just to prove my point. But then I realized a handstand push up had nothing to do with my point. And I was probably just drunk and acting like a complete ass.
Happy 35
My birthday season is in full effect. This weekend Scott is taking me to LA because it’s the land of juice bars. Or he’s working at UCLA and feels bad that he had to travel on my birthday. Either way I win! I’ll be eating my way through all of the vegan options in the City of Angels. Any suggestions? I plan to camp out at True Food and Trader Joes. A major shift after this weekend, where the waiter looked at me like I was insane when I asked for my salad with ‘no meat and no cheese’. Whatever dude, I could so kick your ass.